Lonliness on the journey

It is very scary, you know, putting all this out there for everyone to read.  Some of the issues that I will write about are things that I have dealt with for years, some most of my life.  So, to acknowledge them myself, and then to share with others, is no small thing.

The last few days I have been thinking about how other people deal when we make changes like this.  I have been so thankful for the positive feedback I have received from this blog.  It means so much, because I don't have much positive feedback from others.  Most of what I have experienced on a personal level has been a negative response due to ignorance.

We used to have a social life, going out to eat, etc.  First of all it was expensive!  And then to be sick from eating that all the time, I just got to the point of having to STOP.  Well, when we let people in our social circle know that we don't go out to eat, the invites to dinner stopped, period.  And, I think that they became uncomfortable because they don't understand it.  They don't know how to cook for me.  I also know they are probably thinking I am a "fruitloop", on the latest diet craze, and they wonder when this will pass.  I feel like these few people are watching me, judging me, waiting for some miracle weight loss or something profound to be a sign to them that I am on to something amazing.  I'm not sure why anyone else would need that, when it is my life, my journey, my choice. It feels like people are waiting for me to "fail".  Im just not sure what the parameters are that decide that. Regardless, it seems that friends have abandoned me.  I'm not saying this for sympathy, just the reality of how uncomfortable people are when you make profound changes in your life.  This is more than a personal journey, it affects other around me, and I have to be willing for that as well.   

Another subject that has made this difficult is that people have been programmed for a couple generations that low fat, low cholesterol, and high intensity cardio workouts are the gold standard for which to lose weight.  Research shows that there is no science basis for those claims, but that research was not widely publicized by the media.  The marketing for that diet scheme has been successful and brainwashed our entire nation.  So, when I talk about cooking with lard, butter, bacon, coconut oil, almond flour, etc, people look at me with my extra fat and erroneously think " yep, and we see what that has done for you".  Well, the sad part is that I gained my weight on the SAD (Standard American Diet) diet.  The low fat, low calorie diets killed my metabolism, screwed up my insulin response, and drastically affected my organs!  But, the general population doesn't see that. YET.

I have to take part of the blame too.  It makes me physically nauseas to see what garbage people are feeding their body with, continually.  We will have times when we will all do that.  But to see people doing that, naïvely, and then to complain about illnesses, frustrates me to no end.

Anyway, that is part of what has made this a lonely experience.  Thankfully, my children are supportive and understanding.  Even my husband does not understand what a journey this is.  So, to not have friends or a confidante to "bounce things off of", makes this a deep struggle.  I have learned to dig deep for strength.  I have cried many tears of loneliness when it seems like everyone else around me is doing well.  BUT, I have also risen in sincere happiness when I have discovered something about myself that I didn't realize before.  These things are encouraging and help to support me in my lifelong journey to health and wellbeing.